I'm having a hard time keeping it together today. Every little thing is setting me off. I really hope it's PMS because that will pass. I'd hate to have to start therapy again - no time or cashflow for that. It's so embarassing when the tears start a-flowing at work, I have to pretend that I have allergies because the minute someone asks me what's wrong, and acknowledges the fact that i can't contain my emotions, the dam in my head releases and out comes the waterfall .
It's very difficult being a woman who works with a bunch of men, they don't understand the female mood pendulum - at home, it's the same, I'm surrounded by maleness. Luckily, I live with men that are less afraid to show their feelings than the stereotypical male - my older son is very receptive to human emotions. He's the first one to come running with a hug or a pat on the back when we are hurt or sad. My husband is not afraid to cry, either, and with those deep, blue (& one green) ocean-like eyes, you can't help but get drawn in and want to swim in and out of his sadness.
Sometimes I like to take long drives with the music blaring, to sort of "purge" the tears out. Perhaps I will do that today. Coldplay is always a helper on that front. I'm also getting my hair cut today for the first time in quite a while. The last time I sat in the chair was 2 days before Hayden went into the hospital. Here's hoping I don't lose it in the salon when the hair stylist asks me how he's doing. She has no idea what sort of can she'll be opening with that one!
Ahhhh, writing all this down has made me feel better. Thanks!!!!