P. Sunshine

P. Sunshine
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Monday, April 25, 2005

update MOnday 4-??

The latest with the baby is that, while I was away spending quality time with th e 4-year old at Chuck E. Cheese, Baby H. had trouble breathing again. Long story short, he has a breathing tube, a feeding tube, a tube to take air out of his nose and a tube to reinflate his lung, which as it turns out, had a tiny pinhole. He is on drugs to keep him asleep so he doesn't move around and dislodge the tubes. The Dr.s are still doing tests to find out what caused all the problems in the first place, with his blood losing proteins (albumin), the anemia and the lack of absorption of nutrients in his body. More later, they are giving him a bath now. Oh, and now they've found a bit of a heart murmur too.

Sunday, April 24, 2005


Baby H. is in the ICU. My heart is pounding, stomach cramping. I cannot believe this is happening to the poor little guy. He keeps looking at me with his blueberry eyes like he wants me to rescue him. Uh, this hurts so much!

Saturday, April 23, 2005


Baby H. took a turn on the night before we were supposed to be released. He was having trouble breathing in the middle of the night, so they rushed him down to have a chest xray and more (always more) blood tests. Right now, they say his blood is low in albumin (proteins) they need to figure out if he just isn't maiking enough or if he's making a lot and losing them and why. His chest has more crud in it than before (pneumonia, although it's not the virus, just anything in the lungs is considered'Pnuemonia") he has reflux, so he isn't keeping his food in, we need to beef him up before he goes home, and he also has the anemia problem. This weekend, they will have a neurologist come in to make sure his floppiness and lack of eating interest is related to his illness (the cough/cold) and not something in the motor skill/cognitive department.
All I know is that I miss seeing his smile. He was so happy and chatty before he got sick and now he just lays there and complains.
Also, they gave him a diuretic because they had pumped him too full of IV fluid, and his legs and feet puffed up. He wasn't peeing it out like a normal person, and they need to figure THAT out too. SHEEESH!!!! So now they have him on the IV (in his head) with the minimum fluid to keep him nourished, and they want me to try to "beef" him up. He is also on Prevacid for the reflux and antibiotic for the cough/lung issue.
Sorry if this is poorly written, but I'm trying to get it all out quickly so that I can get back to him.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

scary times

It seems as though everyone is getting sick this week! I am totally feeling horrid with some kind of weirdo sinus infection/flu, and baby H. is in the hospital (I'm actually using the internet there). Our Dr. told us to take him here because he had a terrible cough and kept vomiting, so the staff did some tests and disocvered the cough wasn't his only problem. He is now hooked to an IV in his head, and we will be here all week. It is so scary to see such a tiny little thing hooked up to all those wires and machines. He keeps looking at me with these pleading eyes, saying "mama, can't you help me?" and I can't, there's nothing I can do. I wish I could take him home right now, but I guess it is for the best, we need to find out why his body is acting crazy and get him on the path to recovery and development.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

hawking product

Last weekend, I forayed into a realm that I would normally shun - the MALL! The truth is, and this is very difficult for me to admit, as I am anti-advertising/big corporation peddling, I saw an ad on TV for Old Navy tunics. I looooooooooooooove tunics, especially now that I need to cover up my remaining 15 lbs of baby fat on my belly. I usually get my tunics from Vintage clothing stores, so that they are authentic, from India, but hey- I was really needing some tops for work, so I packed the little dude up in his stroller and entered into the overly-brightened halls of the local shopping mall.
After purchasing not one, but THREE different colored tunics, I remembered that I had a couple birthday parties coming up that I needed toys for, and H. was sleeping nicely in the stroller, so I pushed that little bundle all the way down to the other side of the mall - acres and acres away - and I passed by a Burt's Bees kiosk on the way. Suddenly, a light went on in my tiny head! I remembered that my coworker, Jean, was turning 90, and I thought I might buy him some exotic teas, since he is a naturalist and a vegetarian, but I figured, hey since I am here, and not at the tea store, I can save myself a trip and get him a nice gift pack from Burt. (see, advertising sucking me in again, dang it!!!!) I grabbed a nice little pouch filled with natural camping supplies - toothpaste, salve, lip balm, etc. - and just as the friendly/eager gal was ringing me up, I was enticed by yet another evil marketing scam, the "lipgloss next to the cash register" trick! I tried a sample, and I was hooked! I love the stuff, it's mentholated lip balm(I am totally addicted to that certain "buzz" that it gives your lips) with a bit of pigment added, so that you get the conditioning and the color all at once. Genius guy, this Burt is! The "Lip shimmer" as it is called, leaves a nice sheer tint on the lips, so it's no too lip-sticky, not too "Chapsticky" either.
Although I hate the mall and all it stands for, I have to say, it is much easier to get my "one-stop" shopping done there. I came out spending a lot less money than I planned, saved on gas and got a little exercize to boot. If only they could invent a mall in the Frank Lloyd Wright tradition, so as not to kill 5 acres of trees and landscape, then I would be totally satisfied.

Friday, April 08, 2005


I love my friends.
Whenever I start to get mopey and beyatchy, they always step in to set me straight, I'm like the toy robot wandering off, ready to spill down the steps, and my friends are the little 3 year-olds, running to pick me up and set me down on safe grounds.
My friend Jay emailed me a newsletter that his siter wrote to her clients, regarding her surprise, shock, and worry upon hearing the news that she and her husband were expecting another child. At this point in reading the article, I thought to myself, yeah, I'm totally there, sister! I read further on, as she wrote about learning that not only were they expecting another child, but they were going to have twins! I was thinking to myself, man, if it were me, I would want to crawl under a rock and die. But my friend's sister wrote nothing of the sort. She described how she and her husband laughed about the news, and called everyone they knew and then some, and received laughs from all who heard the news. She accepted her fate, moved on, and even lived to laugh about it. My emotions quickly turned to guilt, and I started to cry.

I feel horrible that I have been focusing on the negatives of our new baby. I've been concentrating on the fact that my husband lost his job, that I gained weight and have to get new clothes (with no extra $$), that I have to work full time instead of staying home, that our boys will need to get scholarships to pay for college, etc. etc. When I should be looking at this new challenge as an adventure. I should appreciate that my family is healthy, that I even have a job, that we have generous friends and family who hand down clothes to our sons, and contribute to the better of our sons' futures. I need to stop walking in the house and seeing the mess as a burden, and appreciate that I have a wonderful family here to accompany me. "Keep on the sunny side of the street", they say. I am Patti Sunshine, after all, and I should live up to my name, dagnabbit!

Perhaps the reason why we have friends is to keep us in line, prevent us from doing ourselves in with self-pity! We are our own worst critics, and the pals we collect through life are the Academy judges, awarding us for achievements that we may not have known we accomplished. My friends accept me for what I am, not what I "should have been". It's time for me to accept that too, and as Jay's sister says, "adjust" and move on.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005


Here is a list of the top ten songs which get stuck in my head every day at work. Listed in order with #1 being the one that lingers longest, in descending order from there on:
1. Danny Boy - Irish Classic
2. Kielbasa Sausage - Tenacious D.
3. Marrakesh Express - CSN (yes, I probably spelled it wrong - too much Green Tea)
4. Into Your Arms - Lemonheads
5. La La - Ashlee Simpson (don't laugh, it's very CATCHY!)
6. Inbetween Days - The Cure
7. Terrapin Station (The Grateful Dead) - particularly the refrain that goes ("Inspiration....move me brightly" - it repeats and repeats and repeats)
8. Close To You - The Cure
9. Melissa - Allman Brothers
10. The Working Hour - Tears for Fears

What's your Top Ten????????

Monday, April 04, 2005

what's up with me?

*sigh* today I have an unexplained feeling of sadness. I don't know why, I should be doing a frenzied dance to celebrate the waking of the sun. Perhaps I am having a belated reflecting period, since I missed the annual rite on my birthday this year, I guess I've displaced it onto my son's birthday. He is FOUR today (zoinks!)
Usually, my day of birth is spent taking inventory of my accomplishments, setting new goals, pondering why I neglected to reach past goals.
Suddlenly, I've found that 15 years have flown by since I left high school, 10 since college graduation. How the crap did that happen? I keep thinking I need to get busy and start doing something meaningful.....oh, yeah, I had 2 kids! Why doesn't that count in my mind? It should, it's the hardest work on the planet!
Today's society is programmed to want more more more, so of course, I want to do more more more. Problem is, I haven't time, energy, money to do all that I want to at this time. I need a clone. A wealthy clone. A wealthy clone with a publishing agent. A wealthy clone with a publishing agent who can run the NY marathon for me. But then I still wouldn't be doing the actual tasks, the clone would. Grrrrr. Can't win. Perhaps I am simply suffering from sleep deprivation, and this mood will pass as soon as I steal a nap.