P. Sunshine
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Thursday, August 18, 2005
I'm cured!
There's nothing like laughter to kick a streak of the blues. My coworker Melissa and I found ourselves on a big fat laugh track this morning, and couldn't (or wouldn't?) get off. I don't even know what sparked the craziness, but we both fell into the giggle trap simultaneously. Man, was that fun (and NEEDED!) I feel better now.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Saturday, August 13, 2005
4 year-old's self-portrait
He is a true artistic genius ( in his mama's eyes)He even added the stripes in the shirt. Someday he'll buy me a pool.
Friday, August 12, 2005
drowning in tears
I'm having a hard time keeping it together today. Every little thing is setting me off. I really hope it's PMS because that will pass. I'd hate to have to start therapy again - no time or cashflow for that. It's so embarassing when the tears start a-flowing at work, I have to pretend that I have allergies because the minute someone asks me what's wrong, and acknowledges the fact that i can't contain my emotions, the dam in my head releases and out comes the waterfall .
It's very difficult being a woman who works with a bunch of men, they don't understand the female mood pendulum - at home, it's the same, I'm surrounded by maleness. Luckily, I live with men that are less afraid to show their feelings than the stereotypical male - my older son is very receptive to human emotions. He's the first one to come running with a hug or a pat on the back when we are hurt or sad. My husband is not afraid to cry, either, and with those deep, blue (& one green) ocean-like eyes, you can't help but get drawn in and want to swim in and out of his sadness.
Sometimes I like to take long drives with the music blaring, to sort of "purge" the tears out. Perhaps I will do that today. Coldplay is always a helper on that front. I'm also getting my hair cut today for the first time in quite a while. The last time I sat in the chair was 2 days before Hayden went into the hospital. Here's hoping I don't lose it in the salon when the hair stylist asks me how he's doing. She has no idea what sort of can she'll be opening with that one!
Ahhhh, writing all this down has made me feel better. Thanks!!!!
It's very difficult being a woman who works with a bunch of men, they don't understand the female mood pendulum - at home, it's the same, I'm surrounded by maleness. Luckily, I live with men that are less afraid to show their feelings than the stereotypical male - my older son is very receptive to human emotions. He's the first one to come running with a hug or a pat on the back when we are hurt or sad. My husband is not afraid to cry, either, and with those deep, blue (& one green) ocean-like eyes, you can't help but get drawn in and want to swim in and out of his sadness.
Sometimes I like to take long drives with the music blaring, to sort of "purge" the tears out. Perhaps I will do that today. Coldplay is always a helper on that front. I'm also getting my hair cut today for the first time in quite a while. The last time I sat in the chair was 2 days before Hayden went into the hospital. Here's hoping I don't lose it in the salon when the hair stylist asks me how he's doing. She has no idea what sort of can she'll be opening with that one!
Ahhhh, writing all this down has made me feel better. Thanks!!!!
Thursday, August 11, 2005
THe nose knows
Currently reading: Drop City
Of all the things to be depressed about, this seems very trite - I wanted to update my picture for my blogs, so I took about 50 pictures of myself last night and not one was good. Not because they weren't clear or had a good composition, but because of my huge obnoxious nose that does not fit on my face. All I could see in the pictures was nose, nose and more nose. So that's it! I am getting it fixed.
Right now we are in a financial pinch, but I am determined to find a way to raise funds for this cause. I've wantred a different nose since I was about seven, and as you know, that particular feature, like our ears, only gets bigger as we age. I can't afford it, but it's got to be done.
There have been studies and field tests done on the way that attractive people get treated as apposed to the unattractive. It was found that people who have a nice face get farther in their careers, get more offers, and are generally treated better than those with not-so-pretty looks. I have a bit of social anxiety, and most of it is due to the fact that I am constantly afraid of what people are thinking of me and my uneven facial features. I ruin family and friend's pictures with my mug. One of my high school friends was mad because I made a "devil face" in her prom pictures - but i wasn't making a face, that is just the way I am! When someone has a camera, I duck and run for cover. I wouldn't want to break it.
My husband says that if we had the money for surgery, it should go to him since he has a body part that he doesn't like. He doesn't understand that the face cannot be covered by clothing, the face is the first thing people see when they meet you, the first thing on which judgement is passed. HE doesn't understand, because he has perfect facial features!! I want a new nose so that I can feel comfortable around people, and to feel less judged. Either that or we can move to a country where big noses are a sign of prestige, yeah, that'd do it!
Maybe I'm just having a PMS ramble - we'll see in a couple days. For now, if you see a tall white chick walking around town with a scarf over her face, don't be afraid- it's me!
Of all the things to be depressed about, this seems very trite - I wanted to update my picture for my blogs, so I took about 50 pictures of myself last night and not one was good. Not because they weren't clear or had a good composition, but because of my huge obnoxious nose that does not fit on my face. All I could see in the pictures was nose, nose and more nose. So that's it! I am getting it fixed.
Right now we are in a financial pinch, but I am determined to find a way to raise funds for this cause. I've wantred a different nose since I was about seven, and as you know, that particular feature, like our ears, only gets bigger as we age. I can't afford it, but it's got to be done.
There have been studies and field tests done on the way that attractive people get treated as apposed to the unattractive. It was found that people who have a nice face get farther in their careers, get more offers, and are generally treated better than those with not-so-pretty looks. I have a bit of social anxiety, and most of it is due to the fact that I am constantly afraid of what people are thinking of me and my uneven facial features. I ruin family and friend's pictures with my mug. One of my high school friends was mad because I made a "devil face" in her prom pictures - but i wasn't making a face, that is just the way I am! When someone has a camera, I duck and run for cover. I wouldn't want to break it.
My husband says that if we had the money for surgery, it should go to him since he has a body part that he doesn't like. He doesn't understand that the face cannot be covered by clothing, the face is the first thing people see when they meet you, the first thing on which judgement is passed. HE doesn't understand, because he has perfect facial features!! I want a new nose so that I can feel comfortable around people, and to feel less judged. Either that or we can move to a country where big noses are a sign of prestige, yeah, that'd do it!
Maybe I'm just having a PMS ramble - we'll see in a couple days. For now, if you see a tall white chick walking around town with a scarf over her face, don't be afraid- it's me!
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Monday, August 01, 2005
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Mini Vacay
just finished reading: Running With Scissors Currently enjoying: Coldplay & Daisy Mae
Northern Michigan, in the summertime, can be one of the most strikingly beautiful places on earth. I feel so lucky to have this hidden treasure nearly in my backyard (if my backyard took 3 hours to travel- then add in the stops to see relatives in Manistee and to take pictures of Todd's old houses - total trip=8 hrs.) . I feel extra lucky, and grateful, that my aunt happens to own a condo at the Homestead so that we can stay there for FREE!
We spent our mini vacay- Saturday evening, Sunday, and Monday morning, at Aunt Merry-Go-Round's condo enjoying the peaceful sound of Lake Michigan washing up on the course sandy beach. Although the water was not quite bathtub temperature, Todd and R. decided to go swimming anyway and had quite a fun time. I was content to sit and stare at the water as it folded itself onto the pebbly shoreline, appearing like clear green glass melting onto the land.
On the last evening, I finally succumbed to the muggy, sticky heat, as well as the taunts from Todd and Uncle Mark, and dove into the frigid blueness myself. It actually was quite refreshing, and the water felt as smooth as it looked. Baby H. had a good time watching us from the shore, and I kept thinking how nice it will be when the whole family can cavort together in the water like a pack of polar bears.
Speaking of bears, when our stomachs started a-growlin', we headed on over to the Good Harbor Grill , where we enjoyed a fabulous meal worthy of a visit by Rachel Ray; although it was a bit pricey (really good, unique food always is!!) for such a fun, casual setting. I had the Curry dish and my mom enjoyed the grilled scallops. Todd feasted on the black bean soup, which he said stayed hot for the duration of the meal due to the earthenware pot it was served in. Baby H. took a snooze while R. enjoyed the watching the baby at the next table drop spoons, dressing pitchers and plates onto the floor. Afterwards, we attempted to take a detour on the wooded scenic roads in hopes of getting the young ones to fall asleep. No such luck! The excitement of seeing deer in the plains and on the road coupled with baby H's sudden hunger caused us to make a mad dash back to the condo.
Sunday morning, after the storms cleared, and the island was misted over with the after-rain haze, my mom planned to take R. and I for a ride around the Homestead grounds. She suddenly remembered that a friend of my brother's owned a vineyard not too far away, so we ended up going and going and GOING there instead (she thought it was a 10-minute drive, but it turned out ot be about an hour!!) While R. napped in the backseat, I went in to the Gill's Pier Winery and enjoyed my first wine-tasting experience at a real vineyard. Visions of Sideways danced through my head as I sampled the local brews(?) and chatted with the owner. I did buy a nice white wine, abnormal for me, I usually stick with red, but I was in the mood for a sweeter flavor that day. I got to keep the glass, which we can use for a tasting any time we return.
Over our short little weekend vacation, we managed to fit in sight-seeing, relative-visiting, watersports, nature walks and good food eating. It was a great diversion from the daily stresses and a funand relaxing way to wrap up the month of July.
Northern Michigan, in the summertime, can be one of the most strikingly beautiful places on earth. I feel so lucky to have this hidden treasure nearly in my backyard (if my backyard took 3 hours to travel- then add in the stops to see relatives in Manistee and to take pictures of Todd's old houses - total trip=8 hrs.) . I feel extra lucky, and grateful, that my aunt happens to own a condo at the Homestead so that we can stay there for FREE!
We spent our mini vacay- Saturday evening, Sunday, and Monday morning, at Aunt Merry-Go-Round's condo enjoying the peaceful sound of Lake Michigan washing up on the course sandy beach. Although the water was not quite bathtub temperature, Todd and R. decided to go swimming anyway and had quite a fun time. I was content to sit and stare at the water as it folded itself onto the pebbly shoreline, appearing like clear green glass melting onto the land.
On the last evening, I finally succumbed to the muggy, sticky heat, as well as the taunts from Todd and Uncle Mark, and dove into the frigid blueness myself. It actually was quite refreshing, and the water felt as smooth as it looked. Baby H. had a good time watching us from the shore, and I kept thinking how nice it will be when the whole family can cavort together in the water like a pack of polar bears.
Speaking of bears, when our stomachs started a-growlin', we headed on over to the Good Harbor Grill , where we enjoyed a fabulous meal worthy of a visit by Rachel Ray; although it was a bit pricey (really good, unique food always is!!) for such a fun, casual setting. I had the Curry dish and my mom enjoyed the grilled scallops. Todd feasted on the black bean soup, which he said stayed hot for the duration of the meal due to the earthenware pot it was served in. Baby H. took a snooze while R. enjoyed the watching the baby at the next table drop spoons, dressing pitchers and plates onto the floor. Afterwards, we attempted to take a detour on the wooded scenic roads in hopes of getting the young ones to fall asleep. No such luck! The excitement of seeing deer in the plains and on the road coupled with baby H's sudden hunger caused us to make a mad dash back to the condo.
Sunday morning, after the storms cleared, and the island was misted over with the after-rain haze, my mom planned to take R. and I for a ride around the Homestead grounds. She suddenly remembered that a friend of my brother's owned a vineyard not too far away, so we ended up going and going and GOING there instead (she thought it was a 10-minute drive, but it turned out ot be about an hour!!) While R. napped in the backseat, I went in to the Gill's Pier Winery and enjoyed my first wine-tasting experience at a real vineyard. Visions of Sideways danced through my head as I sampled the local brews(?) and chatted with the owner. I did buy a nice white wine, abnormal for me, I usually stick with red, but I was in the mood for a sweeter flavor that day. I got to keep the glass, which we can use for a tasting any time we return.
Over our short little weekend vacation, we managed to fit in sight-seeing, relative-visiting, watersports, nature walks and good food eating. It was a great diversion from the daily stresses and a funand relaxing way to wrap up the month of July.
Can't do it!
I attempted to mess around with the template here so that you can see my links up at the top of the page, but it didn't work.....if you scroll to the bottom of the blog, you will see my profile with my blogroll (links to other blogs that I read) on there. Sorry fot he inconvenience, but I TRIED!!!
Monday, July 18, 2005
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Am I psycho?
This morning I drew stunned open-mouth gapes and quizzical snickers from my coworkers as I rummaged through the trashcan, which happened to be full of toner and coffee grounds, trying to find my bag of turkey slices that I thought someone threw out. I was planning on using the slices for my lunch . I had brought the bread and the cheese slices for the very purpose of layering them with the turkey. I was a woman obsessed and posessed by the need to find my turkey! Was it me turning psychotic or just PMS?
As I was starting to ponder over whether or not I should be admitted to Pine Rest Mental Health Facility, I remembered that last night, I happened to watch the TV show "30 Days" and the challenge last night was for a wasteful couple to survive 30 days living in an experimental eco-friendly community. I must have had some subconscious guilt from watching the show and I had ultimately carried it over. Yeah, that's it.....I'm not flipping my lid......
As I was starting to ponder over whether or not I should be admitted to Pine Rest Mental Health Facility, I remembered that last night, I happened to watch the TV show "30 Days" and the challenge last night was for a wasteful couple to survive 30 days living in an experimental eco-friendly community. I must have had some subconscious guilt from watching the show and I had ultimately carried it over. Yeah, that's it.....I'm not flipping my lid......
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Plucking A
I was just about to sit down and write about the whole amazing process which is the cycle of life, after observing the behaviors of my Grandmother compared to that of my 5 month old, when I stopped for a bathroom break. When I looked into the mirror, of course checking my hair situation as we all do, there it was staring back at me...flashing, glowing, like the most annoying of neon lights over Broadway.....my first GREY HAIR!!!!!!!!!
I was feeling all sorts of youthful today in my new summery outfit with my flouncy skirt and my rose-colored shirt (which my mom bought for me to help boost my current sagging confidence) and that darned thing had to come out and make its debut. I immediately plucked the sucker out, wondering if I should save it in my jewelry box, like my mom did with my baby teeth. I caressed it between my thumb and forefinger, pondering my life and the new bracket of aging that this tiny thing signifies. I decided to toss it, thinking maybe it was a fluke, it will be the only one. If I dump it, they won't come, right?
How silly of me to think that. Of course, by yanking the little guy out, I am most likely encouraging others to take its place. I imagine that within months, my whole head will be littered with the alien creatures. Maybe my eyebrows will even turn white (that might look cool). Will I be one of those ladies who will fight the signs of time and color it, or will I let nature take its course and let it all grow out? To be continued............
I was feeling all sorts of youthful today in my new summery outfit with my flouncy skirt and my rose-colored shirt (which my mom bought for me to help boost my current sagging confidence) and that darned thing had to come out and make its debut. I immediately plucked the sucker out, wondering if I should save it in my jewelry box, like my mom did with my baby teeth. I caressed it between my thumb and forefinger, pondering my life and the new bracket of aging that this tiny thing signifies. I decided to toss it, thinking maybe it was a fluke, it will be the only one. If I dump it, they won't come, right?
How silly of me to think that. Of course, by yanking the little guy out, I am most likely encouraging others to take its place. I imagine that within months, my whole head will be littered with the alien creatures. Maybe my eyebrows will even turn white (that might look cool). Will I be one of those ladies who will fight the signs of time and color it, or will I let nature take its course and let it all grow out? To be continued............
LEARNING
Here's an interesting morsel of info that someone forwarded me today regarding the history of Cystic Fibrosis:
Scientists have recently made the hypothesis that cystic fibrosis dates back to a genetic mutation 52,000 years ago, well before any formation of civilization. After this, they questioned why it has been able to survive being eliminated by evolution. They found an answer in the fact that people with one gene for cystic fibrosis are more apt to survive cholera. The people with that trait have half the number of channels as usual and can produce enough water to flush out the toxins made by the cholera bacteria without causing the dehydration and salt loss that is the usual cause of death. Cystic fibrosis also seems to be more common in cooler areas, because people in hot climates would tend to sweat more and lose more salt (needed in the body) in their sweat. (taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cystic_fibrosis )
Scientists have recently made the hypothesis that cystic fibrosis dates back to a genetic mutation 52,000 years ago, well before any formation of civilization. After this, they questioned why it has been able to survive being eliminated by evolution. They found an answer in the fact that people with one gene for cystic fibrosis are more apt to survive cholera. The people with that trait have half the number of channels as usual and can produce enough water to flush out the toxins made by the cholera bacteria without causing the dehydration and salt loss that is the usual cause of death. Cystic fibrosis also seems to be more common in cooler areas, because people in hot climates would tend to sweat more and lose more salt (needed in the body) in their sweat. (taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cystic_fibrosis )
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