A Tale of Two Bras

Patti Sunshine is currently reading Sea Glass, by Anita Shreve

So the day finally came in my pregnancy. The day that I had been dreading and avoiding and hoping to possibly ignore and sweep under the rug like a cheeto crumb on the kitchen floor. The day that I would have to go and buy (gasp) a bigger bra!

I had grown accostomed to my nice, medium-smallish, smallish-medium size, available in cute colors and limitless varieties of fabrics that I had aquired after my son deflated my chest with his 1-year-plus of breast-feeding. So it was with much aggravation and discontent that I dragged myself to the local Meijer's to purchase the new brassiere. Yes, Meijer's, the Supermaket/superstore - I am NOT going to drop $45.00 on a piece of fabric, which no one will see, that I will wear for a mere 4 months. I will NOT!

I was surprised to find that Meijer's actually had quite a decent selection of bras. Pretty ones, sporty ones, bras just for fun, all up to a size C. Now, anyone who has been or knows someone who has been pregnant will tell you that a size C will just not cut it. I had to go over to the OTHER side of the women's section, where the "big girl" bras are kept. (and by kept, I mean they actually HIDE them in a drawer rather than put these mammoth contraptions out on the floor where they may frighten small children) The big girl bras are not sporty or fun or pretty, they are plain. Plain as the plains in Kansas, they are so plain. Meijer's is no Lane Bryant, they do not provide fun fashions for everywoman, they carry large, plain undergarments. Grumbling and cursing while I rummaged through the drawers, I managed to find a bra in my new size, in black...there was ONE non-white or beige bra in the entire store in my size, mind you , just one! I snagged it and tried it on whilst fighting back tears of mourning for the cute little bras that would not come home with me that day, quickly grabbed another random bra in the same size, and speed-walked, sweating, to the check-out area. I was holding my purchases at arm's length, trying to avoid any connection between myself and the gargantuan bras.

I managed to reach the front of the store, out of breath and panting, finding that all the lines were full. Of men. Who will seeme and my giant bras. And then....just as I thought it couldn't get any worse, I heard a voice to my left, saying "Hey, watch where you're going!" I turned in my over-heated flushedness to see that the voice was speaking to me, and it was attached to the body of..... my sophomore prom date.....and his wife.....and I... Am carrying...two.Giant.Utilitybras.